Yesterday as we exited church to retrieve our complimentary snowballs on a particularly hot day, my DS12 was talking to another tween from youth group. They were talking about trivial things and then proceeded to compare their back to school stories. Eventually, the tween asked my son what school he was attending. As I waited in line, I was playing off the fact that I could hear their conversation when I glance at my son, standing tall and beaming with pride, he exclaimed, "I'm homeschooling!"
The other boy paused and thought for a moment before asking him if this was my idea (partly true); but, alas, my son confidently replied that it was his choice and he began listing all the benefits: sleep in, go to school in PJs (or at least sans shirt), study the subjects in whichever order he likes, take breaks as he desires, and eat snacks while "in class". This is just what he has figured out and what he deems as mentionable in the first week back to school!
It was great to hear him boast about his new school choice and the transition our family is making. It is a process not to be taken lightly. We have enjoyed most of the aspects of our curriculum choice and we recognize the learning curve it will require. We recognized this before beginning and only focused on the 4 main subjects plus the Bible curriculum. This week we will weave the extracurriculars into our schedule.
We hope everyone is off to a great first week of school!
31 August 2015
12 July 2015
The Family Meeting
Last week was boy scout camp and my husband tagged along this year with our son. We had decided upon his return that we would discuss our idea to homeschool. My husband had the opportunity to get to know another parent in the boy scout troop who does homeschool. He came home excited to share with me all that he learned in favor of homeschooling teens. I already knew this from all the reading and conversations I have had but I knew he needed to hear it for himself also. This is that light bulb moment when it all clicks and we look each other in the eyes with confirmation!
After all the camping gear was cleaned and showers were taken, we sat our 12 & 15 year old down to give them the option this coming school year of whether to go back to public or start homeschool. I presented how all their deep desires that they had shared with me would be met at home vs in school. I addressed how we could strengthen their friendships outside of school too. My husband was there to enhance the conversation and he chimed in with youth group and boy scouts continuing as their extracurricular activities to show some continuity. We also told them about having the ability to explore more of the subject matter they choose. We let them ask their questions. At the end, I have given them a week deadline to decide so I can get the paperwork going if need be before the new school year begins. I have my suspicions who will choose homeschool. Knowing my boys, they need time to warm up to the idea. I wanted them to feel in control of the choice.
After all the camping gear was cleaned and showers were taken, we sat our 12 & 15 year old down to give them the option this coming school year of whether to go back to public or start homeschool. I presented how all their deep desires that they had shared with me would be met at home vs in school. I addressed how we could strengthen their friendships outside of school too. My husband was there to enhance the conversation and he chimed in with youth group and boy scouts continuing as their extracurricular activities to show some continuity. We also told them about having the ability to explore more of the subject matter they choose. We let them ask their questions. At the end, I have given them a week deadline to decide so I can get the paperwork going if need be before the new school year begins. I have my suspicions who will choose homeschool. Knowing my boys, they need time to warm up to the idea. I wanted them to feel in control of the choice.
09 July 2015
Us vs Them
Think about it: God created snowflakes and fingerprints in such a way that no two are alike. We should consider our children to be the same. If that is true, then children learn differently, too. My children have been raised in public school. I figured this is what we do. Many of us take our parenting styles by what we were raised on. If we hesitate on how to handle a particular parenting dilemma we have no fear because our default button is set.
After all, I came out of public school okay with a 3.2 GPA. I loved school for the most part. I struggled with socialization as many kids do but today's world coupled with changes in the school systems are among a couple reasons why I'm seeking homeschool as an option. I've learned that my kids may need something different than what I was raised on. They both need something new that public school simply can't provide. They use a one-size-fits-all approach and can't afford to alter it too much for the sake of my children. I get it. I also see it will not be a good fit anymore. It does no one any good to lead a life of frustration out of fear of the unknown.
One child has an approved IEP with documented learning delay and my other child was tested for disabilities years ago only to find he's quite intelligent...yet his grades are poor. Poor grades means lots of remedial classes where he is bored instead of putting him in a more stimulating setting. Two extremely different kids who are slipping through and losing their natural desire to learn. Hmmm, something has to give, right?!
On the other hand, many of my friends have kids who thrive in the public school setting. I'm happy for them...truly I am. I feel that everyone should do what is right to build a nuturing, loving environment for their family. I do not believe all can homeschool just like not all can public school. So, I am venturing out on my quest to discover and learn alongside my children as their mom, teacher and mentor! Are you considering homeschool? Does the idea of leaving your corporate job scare you? You are in good company! Join me as I figure out this new lifestyle we will be entering soon.
02 June 2015
Uncover the Dirt
Isn't it funny how everything seems clearer in hindsight? Do you know the issues, dirt, dilemmas that have plagued your family for generations? Have you wondered why you see patterns or themes that span generations?
There is nothing new under the sun yet we all hide our secrets under the rug in hopes no one else finds out.
What happens when you do this? You give power to that secret dirt.
Who does it help by hiding it? Absolutely no one. Not even you.
We must confess our stuff (to the right people) for the purpose of stopping the cycle. I know you are thinking this is crazy or not going to happen. I challenge you to consider it.
Generational issues, curses, or whatever else you want to call them, keep occurring because no one has drawn the line in the sand and said, "Not anymore"!
When will you get mad enough? When will you say enough is enough? Do you really want to see your kids struggle through what you did? Do you want to see them questioning and wondering what is wrong with them to find them circling the same issues again and again?
Do you realize you will cause them to be secretive about their stuff unknowingly? They won't understand fully why they feel compelled to hide it. You may never know what they struggled with and how your secret stuff could have helped them in theirs.
The thing that keeps you silent is pride. Swallow your pride and talk. I learned that by sharing my struggles, I began to take back my power, my strength, and also, our family's legacy. When you stuff it down deep, it controls you. You may not notice how it controls you but I promise you it does. The majority of mental health issues and/or physical health issues stem from the stress of keeping dark secrets hidden. We were never designed to hold it in. We were made to share and help each other. The fact is we all have some heavy burdens. Some of it is caused by our own misguided choices and other times it is out of our control.
It is hard to uncover the past but it is so worth it. Take small steps to tell your closest friends and family and gain their support. You might be amazed at the new levels of connection it brings. Eventually, you'll be able to tell just about anyone your story. You never know how that may impact others in a positive way.
There is nothing new under the sun yet we all hide our secrets under the rug in hopes no one else finds out.
What happens when you do this? You give power to that secret dirt.
Who does it help by hiding it? Absolutely no one. Not even you.
We must confess our stuff (to the right people) for the purpose of stopping the cycle. I know you are thinking this is crazy or not going to happen. I challenge you to consider it.
Generational issues, curses, or whatever else you want to call them, keep occurring because no one has drawn the line in the sand and said, "Not anymore"!
When will you get mad enough? When will you say enough is enough? Do you really want to see your kids struggle through what you did? Do you want to see them questioning and wondering what is wrong with them to find them circling the same issues again and again?
Do you realize you will cause them to be secretive about their stuff unknowingly? They won't understand fully why they feel compelled to hide it. You may never know what they struggled with and how your secret stuff could have helped them in theirs.
The thing that keeps you silent is pride. Swallow your pride and talk. I learned that by sharing my struggles, I began to take back my power, my strength, and also, our family's legacy. When you stuff it down deep, it controls you. You may not notice how it controls you but I promise you it does. The majority of mental health issues and/or physical health issues stem from the stress of keeping dark secrets hidden. We were never designed to hold it in. We were made to share and help each other. The fact is we all have some heavy burdens. Some of it is caused by our own misguided choices and other times it is out of our control.
It is hard to uncover the past but it is so worth it. Take small steps to tell your closest friends and family and gain their support. You might be amazed at the new levels of connection it brings. Eventually, you'll be able to tell just about anyone your story. You never know how that may impact others in a positive way.
13 May 2014
Choose Your Legacy
This weekend my mom, sister and I had taken a road trip for the first time ever. It was a grand experience and everything I had hoped it would be (other than too short). Due to the number of hours on the road, we found ourselves talking in great length about various topics.We began talking about how a girl growing up amongst all brothers tends to be a little more aggressive or defensive in relating to others. I wouldn't say we began to write a thesis paper but we drew from some relational experiences.
My mom grew up with two younger brothers and didn't seem to come off this way in all my years growing up. It could be because she was always distant from them and more introverted. I only had a sister; however, I did find myself always surrounded by boys in the neighborhood(s) where I grew up, school, the Army and everywhere else I turned. I always had more guy friends than girl friends. I could understand this summation being a possibility. Boys were rough, in-your-face, blunt, rude, and all things that require massive amounts of gruntingToolman
Taylor's famous grunt from the '90s sitcom Home Improvement>!
One lovely lady had admitted this very thing about herself to me awhile ago when I confronted her. She never came off rude to me...but to her sister-in-law she did. I thought, "How could this be? Is she channeling a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde personality?" Her SIL would complain about the issue she had, often times to me, but I never picked up on it when I would see her. I thought there must be a miscommunication, misunderstanding or something. I don't like to gossip. It serves no useful purpose. I like to help people find a solution. I knew if I was hearing both sides of this from them individually then it was up to me to resolve the issue. I listened to each of their complaints individually. I took the knowledge I had from each to speak to the other on how to relate. I challenged them to have a cup of coffee or something similar where they could open up. It was great to see that this helped them crack the ice and move past their upbringing and insecurities from the past.
Flashback.
It wasn't until the road trip that I realized (out loud) the aunt that I had always been bitter towards may have been tough and difficult to get along with because she was sandwiched as the middle child between 4 brothers! My mom looked at me the way all mothers do when they see you have realized something that they had noticed long ago. She informed me of how they were raised to fend for themselves because food was not plentiful.
But...but...but...
While insight into someone's past is great for learning how to communicate with someone and have compassion, we can't allow that to be the excuse for our present and most certainly not for our future! We can't continue to allow the pain and hurt someone has caused us to control our destiny, dreams and desires. We can't allow that to be the excuse for treating others how we were once treated. We need to buck up against phrases such as "well that's the way it was" or "this is how we've always done it". We need to work diligently and steadfastly to recognize the pain and find a way to use love to drive our future.
I'll be the first to admit this isn't something you can conquer once and for all. It is a daily choice. I spent last year working very hard on myself. (I'll save that story for another day.) I can't use the excuse of my past to dictate how I should treat my spouse, my children, my friends or the Average Joe. I must work purposefully to be kind and compassionate...to be loving. If we all begin to own up to our past, look it in the eyeballs and say to it, "You can't control me anymore". We will begin to leave a better legacy.
When we say we want our children to have a better life than we did, we need it to be about the legacy we leave and not the amount of trendy toys that fill their closets. It doesn't matter where you came from, YOU get to choose the legacy you leave for your children & beyond. What can you do today to change your legacy?
My mom grew up with two younger brothers and didn't seem to come off this way in all my years growing up. It could be because she was always distant from them and more introverted. I only had a sister; however, I did find myself always surrounded by boys in the neighborhood(s) where I grew up, school, the Army and everywhere else I turned. I always had more guy friends than girl friends. I could understand this summation being a possibility. Boys were rough, in-your-face, blunt, rude, and all things that require massive amounts of grunting
Taylor's famous grunt from the '90s sitcom Home Improvement>!
One lovely lady had admitted this very thing about herself to me awhile ago when I confronted her. She never came off rude to me...but to her sister-in-law she did. I thought, "How could this be? Is she channeling a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde personality?" Her SIL would complain about the issue she had, often times to me, but I never picked up on it when I would see her. I thought there must be a miscommunication, misunderstanding or something. I don't like to gossip. It serves no useful purpose. I like to help people find a solution. I knew if I was hearing both sides of this from them individually then it was up to me to resolve the issue. I listened to each of their complaints individually. I took the knowledge I had from each to speak to the other on how to relate. I challenged them to have a cup of coffee or something similar where they could open up. It was great to see that this helped them crack the ice and move past their upbringing and insecurities from the past.
Flashback.
It wasn't until the road trip that I realized (out loud) the aunt that I had always been bitter towards may have been tough and difficult to get along with because she was sandwiched as the middle child between 4 brothers! My mom looked at me the way all mothers do when they see you have realized something that they had noticed long ago. She informed me of how they were raised to fend for themselves because food was not plentiful.
But...but...but...
While insight into someone's past is great for learning how to communicate with someone and have compassion, we can't allow that to be the excuse for our present and most certainly not for our future! We can't continue to allow the pain and hurt someone has caused us to control our destiny, dreams and desires. We can't allow that to be the excuse for treating others how we were once treated. We need to buck up against phrases such as "well that's the way it was" or "this is how we've always done it". We need to work diligently and steadfastly to recognize the pain and find a way to use love to drive our future.
I'll be the first to admit this isn't something you can conquer once and for all. It is a daily choice. I spent last year working very hard on myself. (I'll save that story for another day.) I can't use the excuse of my past to dictate how I should treat my spouse, my children, my friends or the Average Joe. I must work purposefully to be kind and compassionate...to be loving. If we all begin to own up to our past, look it in the eyeballs and say to it, "You can't control me anymore". We will begin to leave a better legacy.
When we say we want our children to have a better life than we did, we need it to be about the legacy we leave and not the amount of trendy toys that fill their closets. It doesn't matter where you came from, YOU get to choose the legacy you leave for your children & beyond. What can you do today to change your legacy?
03 December 2013
No ID
I had just situated myself in bed after a long day to do a little Cyber Monday shopping while watching tv. It was almost a quarter to nine last night when my husband's cell phone rang. I glanced over only to see that it said "No Caller ID". I assumed it was no one worthy of my time so I ignored it. Just after my husband entered the room, I heard his phone "ding" that there was a voicemail and I informed him of the call that I had ignored. He reaches for the phone and proceeds to playback the voicemail. It was from a teacher. We weren't expecting one of our oldest son's teachers to call.
I have so many friends (or at least it appears that way by looking at my Facebook wall around report card time) who have children who are honor roll students, top of the class, gifted and/or popular. My children, despite my best efforts, do not compare to that level of academia. For a long time, I'd wish and pray that they could be as successful in school. After all, I couldn't brag about their straight D's. I was happy if they avoided an E.
In middle school, teachers do not have the time to contact each parent. If you receive a call from one at almost 9pm, it's not a good sign. I listened in on the message bracing myself for what she may have to say only to find out it was GOOD NEWS!!! She praised him for making significant improvements in class over a period of two weeks. She went on to explain how he had begun to separate himself from the other students that would distract him in class. The changes prompted the teacher to speak to his guidance counselor who informed her that he was choosing to make it a goal to improve in this particular class.
What prompted him two week ago? Our Family ID. One of the final lessons is to brainstorm and write out individual goals for each family member. We had discussed it over dinner one night. I sat with my pad and pencil jotting down everyone's suggestions along with my own. The boys had just received their report cards and we made specific goals for the next marking period. We had also made goals on the character traits we wanted to see them possess.
What I didn't realize was the profound effect it would have on them. In the past, I've made countless personal goal posters and have always failed to accomplish them. Despite that, I believe in setting goals and striving for it. My family has watched this cycle over and over. Setting goals on a bigger scale to include the whole family was a first. Because they had seen me do it before, it wasn't foreign to them. They were willing subjects.
Prior to this study, "No Caller ID" was what identified our family. We were mindlessly sailing along. We had something to tell the world but have been ignored just as I disregarded the phone call last night. We wanted our children to possess certain traits and progress academically, emotionally and spiritually. We wanted to strengthen and improve our marriage and ourselves. We did not have a plan. We were formless and void of producing quality fruit.
As Habakkuk 2:2 mentions, we must write out our plans and make them plain. There must have been power in that statement. The changes that have occurred in my children recently would attest to that. I did not realize it until the phone call last night.
What identifies your family? Do you feel like you're aimlessly wandering? Feel free to discuss below.
I have so many friends (or at least it appears that way by looking at my Facebook wall around report card time) who have children who are honor roll students, top of the class, gifted and/or popular. My children, despite my best efforts, do not compare to that level of academia. For a long time, I'd wish and pray that they could be as successful in school. After all, I couldn't brag about their straight D's. I was happy if they avoided an E.
In middle school, teachers do not have the time to contact each parent. If you receive a call from one at almost 9pm, it's not a good sign. I listened in on the message bracing myself for what she may have to say only to find out it was GOOD NEWS!!! She praised him for making significant improvements in class over a period of two weeks. She went on to explain how he had begun to separate himself from the other students that would distract him in class. The changes prompted the teacher to speak to his guidance counselor who informed her that he was choosing to make it a goal to improve in this particular class.
What prompted him two week ago? Our Family ID. One of the final lessons is to brainstorm and write out individual goals for each family member. We had discussed it over dinner one night. I sat with my pad and pencil jotting down everyone's suggestions along with my own. The boys had just received their report cards and we made specific goals for the next marking period. We had also made goals on the character traits we wanted to see them possess.
What I didn't realize was the profound effect it would have on them. In the past, I've made countless personal goal posters and have always failed to accomplish them. Despite that, I believe in setting goals and striving for it. My family has watched this cycle over and over. Setting goals on a bigger scale to include the whole family was a first. Because they had seen me do it before, it wasn't foreign to them. They were willing subjects.
Prior to this study, "No Caller ID" was what identified our family. We were mindlessly sailing along. We had something to tell the world but have been ignored just as I disregarded the phone call last night. We wanted our children to possess certain traits and progress academically, emotionally and spiritually. We wanted to strengthen and improve our marriage and ourselves. We did not have a plan. We were formless and void of producing quality fruit.
As Habakkuk 2:2 mentions, we must write out our plans and make them plain. There must have been power in that statement. The changes that have occurred in my children recently would attest to that. I did not realize it until the phone call last night.
What identifies your family? Do you feel like you're aimlessly wandering? Feel free to discuss below.
13 November 2013
Facepalm
When we began the journey into the Family ID small group curriculum with our life group, there were no warning signs posted at the door or caution stickers affixed to the workbook to show us that there would be huge hurdles in this lesson plan. We began carrying out the lessons each week and completing our homework assignments towards this family vision and gravitating from idea to action. It has been the most invasive of all the studies we've done. It will cause you to dislike your comfort zone and no longer desire your current circumstances. You will want to change your family's course of life for the better!
Sounds doable, right? Not too hard. Until the enemy comes to thwart your efforts. My last post gave a small glimpse at some of what the enemy had plotted against us to derail our efforts and to plant seeds of doubt.
The enemy is quite slick at making us focus on the actions of what the other person is doing. We allow ourselves to become his puppets if we don't arm ourselves daily with God's Word and his protection through prayer. We don't realize this enemy is pulling the strings to engineer his crafty scheme. The ultimate goal for him is to derail what we as a couple are working towards.
Palm to face. Facepalm.
The attacks began as soon as we verbalized what we were willing to step up and do! We did not see the true impact and nature of what we agreed to. I'm sure many who are called into ministry can attest to far greater trials and tests than what we've encountered.
As my husband and I discussed with our great friends what led to the pitfalls over the past 2 weeks (and so many times long ago in our marriage), I did that facepalm motion.
We have all had these moments in life. When we are in the midst of a storm, we can't see through the rain. Once the rain clears, the clouds dissipate and the sun comes out, we can see a clearer picture. I realized all the above last night. It was more than my husband not catering to my needs. It was more than my emotions getting the best of me. It was a test to see if we were made of the stuff necessary for the next level in our marriage and in our purpose. The heat and pressure was applied and our pot boiled over.
Hmmmm, ok.
Lesson learned.
Like the wise elders leading the young valiant hero in one of those classic stories, our great friends continued on in the conversation to warn us this would happen again. Not if, but when. What?No sugar coating? Darn. Ok, I guess we must prepare for battle. For you see, we have been called to be a peculiar people. To BE WEIRD!
Have you been fighting and struggling in your marriage? Perhaps it's because you aren't willing to settle for average in our society of normal? Don't give up. Be encouraged. It may seem grim. It may seem bleak. Get counseling. Kneel down and pray together. Don't allow the enemy to sneak in and kill the thing God blessed you with.
Sounds doable, right? Not too hard. Until the enemy comes to thwart your efforts. My last post gave a small glimpse at some of what the enemy had plotted against us to derail our efforts and to plant seeds of doubt.
The enemy is quite slick at making us focus on the actions of what the other person is doing. We allow ourselves to become his puppets if we don't arm ourselves daily with God's Word and his protection through prayer. We don't realize this enemy is pulling the strings to engineer his crafty scheme. The ultimate goal for him is to derail what we as a couple are working towards.
Palm to face. Facepalm.
The attacks began as soon as we verbalized what we were willing to step up and do! We did not see the true impact and nature of what we agreed to. I'm sure many who are called into ministry can attest to far greater trials and tests than what we've encountered.
As my husband and I discussed with our great friends what led to the pitfalls over the past 2 weeks (and so many times long ago in our marriage), I did that facepalm motion.
We have all had these moments in life. When we are in the midst of a storm, we can't see through the rain. Once the rain clears, the clouds dissipate and the sun comes out, we can see a clearer picture. I realized all the above last night. It was more than my husband not catering to my needs. It was more than my emotions getting the best of me. It was a test to see if we were made of the stuff necessary for the next level in our marriage and in our purpose. The heat and pressure was applied and our pot boiled over.
Hmmmm, ok.
Lesson learned.
Like the wise elders leading the young valiant hero in one of those classic stories, our great friends continued on in the conversation to warn us this would happen again. Not if, but when. What?No sugar coating? Darn. Ok, I guess we must prepare for battle. For you see, we have been called to be a peculiar people. To BE WEIRD!
Have you been fighting and struggling in your marriage? Perhaps it's because you aren't willing to settle for average in our society of normal? Don't give up. Be encouraged. It may seem grim. It may seem bleak. Get counseling. Kneel down and pray together. Don't allow the enemy to sneak in and kill the thing God blessed you with.
07 November 2013
Birthday Do-Over
I love making people feel special. Serving is my love language. I love helping them celebrate, especially my own family. When it comes around to my turn on the birthday wheel, it seems to fall short. Even Mother's Day is less than spectacular.
Now, I don't require a lavish, grand ballroom-scaled celebration but I expect a halt on sibling quarrels and husband screaming at said quarrelling teens. I always hear from mommy friends that this is an unrealistic expectation. I disagree. I want 1 day of calm; ok 2. I'd love 363 other days of calm but let's be real about the odds of THAT happening!
Here are the events that ensued based on my recollection:
This year, as I can recall for at least the past 2 years of birthdays and Mother's Days, the bickering, fussing and fighting did not cease. I informed my husband in advance what I'd like to do and made sure to include the link to the desired event on his Facebook wall for all mutual friends to see. There was no subtlety involved. He made sure to get the good seats for the event which was above what I asked. I felt this was a good sign.
Let's just say, the calm wasn't there. Even the next day, actual birthday, was a repeat of the same shouting, bickering, whining. Please Earth, swallow me up now.
Drama Queen Alert!
I was at the breaking point. Snapped. Done. That was me. I spiralled out of control in my self-loathing and cried and slept for the next 24 hours! My friends thought I'd lost it. I'm sure an intervention was being planned.
My husband pried me out of bed and convinced me I needed to eat food. I sulkingly walked down the stairs, out through the kitchen and in to the dining room where my three men were standing. My husband crowned me with the finest crown that Walmart could buy. It was cute, sparkly and had pink and purple jewels. As I became teary-eyed again, my three men began singing "Happy Birthday" and guiding me to my seat. Dinner was plated and a beautiful arrangement of my favorite flowers were before me. The walls were dotted with pretty pale pink balloons. They made it as girly as possible in my testosterone filled home. It was imperfectly perfect.
I couldn't believe it! I was handed one of thos wonderful, musically-injected cards and a handmade card from my youngest son. What a change of events!
My dear husband guided family conversation and led the family devotion time. Family devotions are a new routine that we began just a week ago. Now, we have engaging conversation at the dinner table. The daily devotion was one crafted just to what I needed in that moment. After dinner and discussion, the kids voted to watch a family movie and I selected "Fireproof". We had not watched it since it was in the theater but were reminded, painfully, of all the areas we need to improve upon in our marriage.
The kids meandered off to bed after the movie and now it was just the two of us. We had a good conversation about our needs and how we each could have acted better. I confessed a song kept running through my head all day as I tried to stay in my grief. There was a war between my head and my spirit. I reached for my iPhone and selected it from my iPhone play list. My knight in shining armor jumped to his feet and grabbed my hand. We slow-danced in the middle of our living room. Let me explain, my husband never dances; hates to dance. I can only make him slow dance at weddings. He held me tight as we listened to the tunes. It was a magical, memorable birthday do-over.
Now, I don't require a lavish, grand ballroom-scaled celebration but I expect a halt on sibling quarrels and husband screaming at said quarrelling teens. I always hear from mommy friends that this is an unrealistic expectation. I disagree. I want 1 day of calm; ok 2. I'd love 363 other days of calm but let's be real about the odds of THAT happening!
Here are the events that ensued based on my recollection:
This year, as I can recall for at least the past 2 years of birthdays and Mother's Days, the bickering, fussing and fighting did not cease. I informed my husband in advance what I'd like to do and made sure to include the link to the desired event on his Facebook wall for all mutual friends to see. There was no subtlety involved. He made sure to get the good seats for the event which was above what I asked. I felt this was a good sign.
Let's just say, the calm wasn't there. Even the next day, actual birthday, was a repeat of the same shouting, bickering, whining. Please Earth, swallow me up now.
Drama Queen Alert!
I was at the breaking point. Snapped. Done. That was me. I spiralled out of control in my self-loathing and cried and slept for the next 24 hours! My friends thought I'd lost it. I'm sure an intervention was being planned.
My husband pried me out of bed and convinced me I needed to eat food. I sulkingly walked down the stairs, out through the kitchen and in to the dining room where my three men were standing. My husband crowned me with the finest crown that Walmart could buy. It was cute, sparkly and had pink and purple jewels. As I became teary-eyed again, my three men began singing "Happy Birthday" and guiding me to my seat. Dinner was plated and a beautiful arrangement of my favorite flowers were before me. The walls were dotted with pretty pale pink balloons. They made it as girly as possible in my testosterone filled home. It was imperfectly perfect.
I couldn't believe it! I was handed one of thos wonderful, musically-injected cards and a handmade card from my youngest son. What a change of events!
My dear husband guided family conversation and led the family devotion time. Family devotions are a new routine that we began just a week ago. Now, we have engaging conversation at the dinner table. The daily devotion was one crafted just to what I needed in that moment. After dinner and discussion, the kids voted to watch a family movie and I selected "Fireproof". We had not watched it since it was in the theater but were reminded, painfully, of all the areas we need to improve upon in our marriage.
The kids meandered off to bed after the movie and now it was just the two of us. We had a good conversation about our needs and how we each could have acted better. I confessed a song kept running through my head all day as I tried to stay in my grief. There was a war between my head and my spirit. I reached for my iPhone and selected it from my iPhone play list. My knight in shining armor jumped to his feet and grabbed my hand. We slow-danced in the middle of our living room. Let me explain, my husband never dances; hates to dance. I can only make him slow dance at weddings. He held me tight as we listened to the tunes. It was a magical, memorable birthday do-over.
30 October 2013
Less Judgement, More Acceptance - My Analysis
I began this "31 Days of Less and More" just 8 short days ago because I wanted to figure out why I keep circling back around to certain stumbling blocks in my life. 2013 has been dubbed as "My Year" for self-improvement. It's been an incredible journey but I realize I haven't accomplished all the areas I thought I would have tackled by now. A friend asked me to join her in this challenge and I decided to join her as I wrap up 2013 with a bang.
I've never considered myself to be a judgemental person. I thought today's blog focus would be fairly easy.
Hah!
Boy, was I wrong.
It's easy to trick ourselves into thinking we have certain areas under control in our lives. Fact of the matter is, we don't! Sure, pat yourself on the back that you've succeeded in not getting that mocha frappacino every morning or make it to bed by 10 pm at least 4 nights out of the week; but, have we really changed our personal nature? I hope we have all collectively improved from 5, 10, 20 years ago...but we are not at a point of completion. We deceive ourselves.
Last night, my husband and I had one of our epic, knock-down, drag-out fights that you'd probably pop some popcorn and pull up a chair to watch. I was self-righteous and perfect in my thinking and my husband was not getting it. What's wrong with him? At least, that was my story and I was sticking to it! Until...
Until a dear friend whom I knew would be the right person to confide in and respond with a loving and productive answer, reminded me of where I am in the grand plan of life. I am not that awesome. Wow, ok. She challenged me to not keep score and go home to apologize anyway. I did as she said. I knew she'd check to see if I followed through with her advice.
I came home. I apologized. I went to sleep.
Fast forward to this morning: I sat at work at my desk awaiting the tardy tech to arrive for our appointment. I remembered the challenge despite how physically and emotionally exhausted I felt.
"Oh great", I thought as I read today's challenge was on judgement and acceptance. "God, do we have to do this now?" Ok. I'll listen. I read the blog and realized I had been judging my husband all this time. Who am I to judge him and how he is or is not leading our family spiritually, practically or relationally? Did God himself ordain me?
My girlfriend's reminder to me came flooding back to my memory.
My ego has been knocked down a few pegs today. That's ok. God is going to prune me even more in these final months of the year. I can't produce more fruit without being pruned.
My husband and I had a rare lunch date today and spent time admitting our faults and realizing we did, in fact, improve from how we would have handled the same situation even a year ago. We accepted where we are at and agreed to do even better next time.
I've never considered myself to be a judgemental person. I thought today's blog focus would be fairly easy.
Hah!
Boy, was I wrong.
It's easy to trick ourselves into thinking we have certain areas under control in our lives. Fact of the matter is, we don't! Sure, pat yourself on the back that you've succeeded in not getting that mocha frappacino every morning or make it to bed by 10 pm at least 4 nights out of the week; but, have we really changed our personal nature? I hope we have all collectively improved from 5, 10, 20 years ago...but we are not at a point of completion. We deceive ourselves.
Last night, my husband and I had one of our epic, knock-down, drag-out fights that you'd probably pop some popcorn and pull up a chair to watch. I was self-righteous and perfect in my thinking and my husband was not getting it. What's wrong with him? At least, that was my story and I was sticking to it! Until...
Until a dear friend whom I knew would be the right person to confide in and respond with a loving and productive answer, reminded me of where I am in the grand plan of life. I am not that awesome. Wow, ok. She challenged me to not keep score and go home to apologize anyway. I did as she said. I knew she'd check to see if I followed through with her advice.
I came home. I apologized. I went to sleep.
Fast forward to this morning: I sat at work at my desk awaiting the tardy tech to arrive for our appointment. I remembered the challenge despite how physically and emotionally exhausted I felt.
"Oh great", I thought as I read today's challenge was on judgement and acceptance. "God, do we have to do this now?" Ok. I'll listen. I read the blog and realized I had been judging my husband all this time. Who am I to judge him and how he is or is not leading our family spiritually, practically or relationally? Did God himself ordain me?
My girlfriend's reminder to me came flooding back to my memory.
My ego has been knocked down a few pegs today. That's ok. God is going to prune me even more in these final months of the year. I can't produce more fruit without being pruned.
My husband and I had a rare lunch date today and spent time admitting our faults and realizing we did, in fact, improve from how we would have handled the same situation even a year ago. We accepted where we are at and agreed to do even better next time.
17 October 2013
90 Days
If you were given insight into the future that in 90 days there would be a need to stockpile food, water, finances, etc, would you? What if God talked to you the way He talked with Noah thousands of years ago? Noah was ridiculed and mocked by others who saw no rain in sight. Would you be one who carefully planned and prepared? Or, would you be in denial until the "doom" actually occurred and begging for mercy?
Consider the story of Joseph from Old Testament: You may recall the stories of how his brothers sold him into slavery but do you remember his vivid dreams? He foresaw the need to stock up during an abundant season because a season of famine appeared in his dreams. He dutifully had the farmers pile a portion of the grain harvest in a storehouse. Eventually, the famine occurred and many came from distant lands to receive a portion. If Joseph hadn't heeded the prophesy, thousands would have starved. We shouldn't hope that one out of thousands or millions will store up enough for everyone else in tough times. We should learn to save up a little for our own families. I'm not saying you should hoard for your own family. There is a difference.
Many people chalk "Doomsday Preppers" up to nothing more than scared fanatics. Perhaps there is a middle ground between stocking a bunker underground and doing nothing until it's too late. I've followed various blogs, posts and pins about how to prepare for natural disasters or other catastrophes. While I've procrastinated to put almost any of it in motion, I have considered much of it as smart planning. We know natural disasters will occur. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Let's not even consider political upheaval or anarchy. Car accidents and snow storms are bound to happen. Why do we wait?
I remember living in Europe years ago, we were encouraged to keep blankets, nonperishable food and water in our vehicles because you never knew when your adventures on the autobahn would come to a screeching halt in a "stau". I was fortunate it didn't happen to us but I knew many who did sit in them for hours. Some prepared and were okay but others took their chances and regretted their poor decision. Since coming back to the States, we haven't kept our cars stocked. We quickly forgot the possibility of a traffic lockup on a highway.
Just a week ago, my husband was in a bad accident that rendered his vehicle useless. (He was physically fine.) The insurance found him at fault so we won't receive money to replace his vehicle. The average American would run to the bank and get a loan out for $15,000-$30,000. Thankfully, we had a small, but sizeable-enough-to-buy-a-"beater", savings fund because of the uncertainty of my paycheck due to the government shutdown. Now, we are able to search for a replacement vehicle to pay for... in cash!
We no longer believe in holding debt or using it as a back-up plan. Had it not been for that savings, we would be just a tad bit more stressed. We realized years ago that by having debt, we were not holding our faith in God during situations and it was robbing us of money we could be saving from the interest charges. This was certainly a test in what we would do if push came to shove and I have to say we passed this test. It is doable.
So back to the original thought, 90 days. While I'm thankful that many of my furloughed friends have been able to return to work today, Congress has only patched the hole in the boat that is sinking. It's just more "continuing resolution. Consider it a reprieve. Consider it the tremor before an earthquake or a dry run in an emergency evacuation plan. Manyof my fellow coworkers really didn't think the shutdown would occur. They thought that Congress would all agree in the eleventh hour. That wasn't the case.
You may call it gut instinct but I consider it God's way of nudging me. I had told my husband last month that I really thought this shutdown had to occur. We had begun preparing what we could in that short time to brace ourselves. We had just recovered from the furloughs of this summer. What we didn't anticipate was the car accident. I'm thankful we had taken the time to go into "emergency mode".
I encourage everyone to begin saving money. Don't spend your entire paycheck now. Save some for later. Invest in retirement. Do not rely on the government to supply your needs. Rely on God to direct your path and show you where to place your money. Faith without action is just hope.
Consider the story of Joseph from Old Testament: You may recall the stories of how his brothers sold him into slavery but do you remember his vivid dreams? He foresaw the need to stock up during an abundant season because a season of famine appeared in his dreams. He dutifully had the farmers pile a portion of the grain harvest in a storehouse. Eventually, the famine occurred and many came from distant lands to receive a portion. If Joseph hadn't heeded the prophesy, thousands would have starved. We shouldn't hope that one out of thousands or millions will store up enough for everyone else in tough times. We should learn to save up a little for our own families. I'm not saying you should hoard for your own family. There is a difference.
Many people chalk "Doomsday Preppers" up to nothing more than scared fanatics. Perhaps there is a middle ground between stocking a bunker underground and doing nothing until it's too late. I've followed various blogs, posts and pins about how to prepare for natural disasters or other catastrophes. While I've procrastinated to put almost any of it in motion, I have considered much of it as smart planning. We know natural disasters will occur. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Let's not even consider political upheaval or anarchy. Car accidents and snow storms are bound to happen. Why do we wait?
I remember living in Europe years ago, we were encouraged to keep blankets, nonperishable food and water in our vehicles because you never knew when your adventures on the autobahn would come to a screeching halt in a "stau". I was fortunate it didn't happen to us but I knew many who did sit in them for hours. Some prepared and were okay but others took their chances and regretted their poor decision. Since coming back to the States, we haven't kept our cars stocked. We quickly forgot the possibility of a traffic lockup on a highway.
Just a week ago, my husband was in a bad accident that rendered his vehicle useless. (He was physically fine.) The insurance found him at fault so we won't receive money to replace his vehicle. The average American would run to the bank and get a loan out for $15,000-$30,000. Thankfully, we had a small, but sizeable-enough-to-buy-a-"beater", savings fund because of the uncertainty of my paycheck due to the government shutdown. Now, we are able to search for a replacement vehicle to pay for... in cash!
We no longer believe in holding debt or using it as a back-up plan. Had it not been for that savings, we would be just a tad bit more stressed. We realized years ago that by having debt, we were not holding our faith in God during situations and it was robbing us of money we could be saving from the interest charges. This was certainly a test in what we would do if push came to shove and I have to say we passed this test. It is doable.
So back to the original thought, 90 days. While I'm thankful that many of my furloughed friends have been able to return to work today, Congress has only patched the hole in the boat that is sinking. It's just more "continuing resolution. Consider it a reprieve. Consider it the tremor before an earthquake or a dry run in an emergency evacuation plan. Manyof my fellow coworkers really didn't think the shutdown would occur. They thought that Congress would all agree in the eleventh hour. That wasn't the case.
You may call it gut instinct but I consider it God's way of nudging me. I had told my husband last month that I really thought this shutdown had to occur. We had begun preparing what we could in that short time to brace ourselves. We had just recovered from the furloughs of this summer. What we didn't anticipate was the car accident. I'm thankful we had taken the time to go into "emergency mode".
I encourage everyone to begin saving money. Don't spend your entire paycheck now. Save some for later. Invest in retirement. Do not rely on the government to supply your needs. Rely on God to direct your path and show you where to place your money. Faith without action is just hope.
16 October 2013
Family Vision
When I first created this blog, I had no real vision or direction for it. Our family certainly didn't have a vision or direction either. Does yours? Probably not.
We have been a part of an amazing group of married couples/families for all of 2013. They have become an extended family to us. It's what many churches call a "life group" but we are fancy and call ours an "iGroup". Yep, we attend a very hip church! You don't have to attend a hip church to create a circle of friends with a similar ideal. True community enhances our family life yet has been long forgotten in our fast-paced society.
Several weeks ago, we began a new weekly session that takes us through how to create a family motto, vision and mission statement. We have these things in our workplace, schools and associations. Why not carry it into our homes?
Habakkuk 2:2 states, "Write down the vision; write it clearly on tablets so whoever reads it can run to tell others."
I admit, the idea sounded a bit "hokey" at first; but the more we got into it, the more excitement it induced in my family. As my husband and I began writing down our desires for what we'd like our family to be, we kept coming back to the concept of "Be Weird". That reminded me of this blog that I created a few years ago. I have no idea where it'll take me or who it may touch.
As our leaders said last night, whatever you choose as your family's motto, you better be committed. Punky Brewster was my role model as a young child....need I say more?!? I'd say we are pretty committed. Our children love the concept, too. In some ways, we are already weird. I've always danced to the beat of a different drum. Now we are officially weird!
We have been a part of an amazing group of married couples/families for all of 2013. They have become an extended family to us. It's what many churches call a "life group" but we are fancy and call ours an "iGroup". Yep, we attend a very hip church! You don't have to attend a hip church to create a circle of friends with a similar ideal. True community enhances our family life yet has been long forgotten in our fast-paced society.
Several weeks ago, we began a new weekly session that takes us through how to create a family motto, vision and mission statement. We have these things in our workplace, schools and associations. Why not carry it into our homes?
Habakkuk 2:2 states, "Write down the vision; write it clearly on tablets so whoever reads it can run to tell others."
I admit, the idea sounded a bit "hokey" at first; but the more we got into it, the more excitement it induced in my family. As my husband and I began writing down our desires for what we'd like our family to be, we kept coming back to the concept of "Be Weird". That reminded me of this blog that I created a few years ago. I have no idea where it'll take me or who it may touch.
As our leaders said last night, whatever you choose as your family's motto, you better be committed. Punky Brewster was my role model as a young child....need I say more?!? I'd say we are pretty committed. Our children love the concept, too. In some ways, we are already weird. I've always danced to the beat of a different drum. Now we are officially weird!
21 May 2012
Catch Up
Fell off the face of the Earth! SPLAT!
...or at least one would think so. Has it been 2 years since I last posted? It's been a crazy couple of years! That's my defense and I'm sticking to it!
What have we done in that time?
These are just some of the things that popped in my head in no particular order. Now that I played catch up we can get down to business.
...or at least one would think so. Has it been 2 years since I last posted? It's been a crazy couple of years! That's my defense and I'm sticking to it!
What have we done in that time?
- Discovered our oldest son had some serious medical conditions related to a prolonged unknown lactose intolerance.
- Brought that son home for virtual schooling to allow time to adjust and figure out what worked best for him.
- Seriously thought younger son had a learning disability only to test him and find he has the aptitude to be an engineer. That was the quotes from the school staff. Yep, he's a lil stinker! Someone please tell me how to motivate this kid.
- Plucked along haphazardly at our debt snowball.
- Lost traction, fell, scraped our knees and dusted them off several times.
- Began attending an awesome church in our community.
- Learned how awesome freezer cooking is for a busy family.
- Discovered home grown veggies are where it's at.
- CSAs are a great supplement too.
These are just some of the things that popped in my head in no particular order. Now that I played catch up we can get down to business.
27 July 2010
Be Intentional
While my advice today may not be profound, it will give you release. DH and I have become a bit more intentional this month than we've been in the past and we are gaining new momentum. For instance we've decided to cancel my gym membership when my contract runs out in September, cut out restaurants, trim back a little on groceries, cancel Stamps.com subscription and today....cancel my contributions to a fave charity. Sure, I hated cancelling giving to my fave charity but right now I have to take care of my own household. Money owed on debts is money already spent and you don't own it to use as you choose until you are free from the bondage of debt. This is a hard concept for me to remember but I'm trying. I encourage you to do the same and take small steps towards debt freedom!
Small expenses can add up. Right there that will be approx $175-200. Each by itself isn't much but combined it makes a big dent. We had many more crazy small expenses before we began budgeting 2 yrs ago. Over time we've found more & more that we need less & less!
Small expenses can add up. Right there that will be approx $175-200. Each by itself isn't much but combined it makes a big dent. We had many more crazy small expenses before we began budgeting 2 yrs ago. Over time we've found more & more that we need less & less!
21 July 2010
Murphy came for a visit...ugh!
Well, we all know that famous man, Murphy, and his law (in case you didn't figure it out...Murphy's law). Murphy is that unexpected visitor that always shows up when you have curlers in your hair and no food in the fridge! If you read the previous blog I wrote, you will see that Baby Step 1 (BS1) is affectionately known as "Murphy Repellant".
Anyway, last night my husband discovered that Murphy decided to mess up his back brakes while he was at work. Ugh! He had to take today off in order to get the parts and fix the brakes plus there was no way he could drive to the city to work. Double Ugh, since he gets paid hourly! After 2+ hours of labor he had them fixed and saved us approx. $200! I wish we had kept track over the 9 years of marriage of just how much money his mechanical skills have saved us. Can't figure out past work but from now on we can!
I am so glad to have a small fund of money to take care of unexpected events. We don't freak out or resort to credit cards to handle "emergencies" anymore! Not in 2 years and not ever again! BTW, we are beginning a car replacement/repair fund so we don't have to always dip into BS1.
So let's begin the score keeping:
Murphy: $42 Husband: $200
20 July 2010
The beginning was rocky
We've become passionate about our desire to get out of debt and begin "Living like no one else"! If you recognize the quote, yes we are HUGE Dave Ramsey fans. There are no gimmicks to his thought process and his plan is just common sense chunked into "baby steps" that are easy to follow. We read his book Total Money Makeover 2 years ago this month! I read it in 1.5 days and DH read it in a few days too. We were sold out and addicted from that moment. The lightbulb had finally turned on!
The baby steps are:
Baby Step 0: Get current on all bills and live within your means (stop borrowing!)
Baby Step 1: Set up Baby Emergency Fund (BEF) of $1000
Baby Step 2: Pay off all non-mortgage debt
Baby Step 3: Save 3-6 months expenses aka Fully Funded Emergency Fund (FFEF)
Baby Step 4: 15% into Roth IRAs and pretax retirement
Baby Step 5: College Funding
Baby Step 6: Pay off home early
Baby Step 7: Build wealth & give!
The above is a simple plan but requires a lot of discipline and saying "NO" to everyone in your life!
We discovered this plan just before we would have nose-dived into a black abyss. When we did our first budget, we quickly realized why we had more month than money! The budget listed out all minimum payments and all bills we currently had. There was no wiggle room to save or go out! In order to get to baby step 1, we had to sell some stuff. We started putting stuff on ebay we no longer needed and saved up $800 between Aug-Sep 08. (Hooray!) We began cutting things that weren't necessary and paying attention to our money. We had finally gotten our $1K saved just in time for DH to lose his job.
That was God's first test of our maturity. We passed with flying colors! With that money saved, we didn't feel super-stressed and knew we'd find him something else. Sure, we cried for a moment to let the emotion out. He did find a job just as the money was running out and my income was sustaining us. There was no dining or fun during that time because we made up our minds not to fall back on credit cards. We replenished our BEF with his new job paying better and by January 09 we were moving on to Baby step 2! Along the way Murphy has popped up and slowed us down in paying off debt but as long as we breathe air, the unexpected will occur. In 2009, we paid off over $55K ($8k tax return, sold Volvo for $17k and only owed $9K so the rest paid off credit and all other debts paid were from our income and paying attention)!
January 2010, we dropped FIOS cable to get even crazier about getting out of debt. Hulu.com and Netflix provide a much cheaper form of entertainment. We had to save cash for a replacement to DH's Jeep and so we paused paying off debt to get him a newer vehicle. We've been cash-flowing a lot of things recently but our debt reduction is still in our sights. This month we've sat down and we've found more things we are willing to give up to become debt-free sooner. Our goal is to be out of debt by next summer! Our 10th anniversary is next spring and we hope to take the kids on a trip around the States in celebration before moving on to baby step 3!
Welcome to Our World
Ok, so I see many people with these blog sites and at first I thought it was insane since I'm already religiously on Facebook! How could I keep up with one more internet fad? After all, I've got an old Myspace account out there and I've since forgotten the password nor care about the stupid thing since I'm told it's for the teeny-boppers anyways. Twitter, I've refused to bother with.
But alas, I find that my personal thoughts get buried very quickly amongst everyone else's thoughts. So, here I shall journal mine/our thoughts. I've created this blog mainly to share our journey to becoming debt-free with everyone but who knows...it may have other random parts of our lives sprinkled in since finances affect so much of our lives in general!
But alas, I find that my personal thoughts get buried very quickly amongst everyone else's thoughts. So, here I shall journal mine/our thoughts. I've created this blog mainly to share our journey to becoming debt-free with everyone but who knows...it may have other random parts of our lives sprinkled in since finances affect so much of our lives in general!
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