I began this "31 Days of Less and More" just 8 short days ago because I wanted to figure out why I keep circling back around to certain stumbling blocks in my life. 2013 has been dubbed as "My Year" for self-improvement. It's been an incredible journey but I realize I haven't accomplished all the areas I thought I would have tackled by now. A friend asked me to join her in this challenge and I decided to join her as I wrap up 2013 with a bang.
I've never considered myself to be a judgemental person. I thought today's blog focus would be fairly easy.
Hah!
Boy, was I wrong.
It's easy to trick ourselves into thinking we have certain areas under control in our lives. Fact of the matter is, we don't! Sure, pat yourself on the back that you've succeeded in not getting that mocha frappacino every morning or make it to bed by 10 pm at least 4 nights out of the week; but, have we really changed our personal nature? I hope we have all collectively improved from 5, 10, 20 years ago...but we are not at a point of completion. We deceive ourselves.
Last night, my husband and I had one of our epic, knock-down, drag-out fights that you'd probably pop some popcorn and pull up a chair to watch. I was self-righteous and perfect in my thinking and my husband was not getting it. What's wrong with him? At least, that was my story and I was sticking to it! Until...
Until a dear friend whom I knew would be the right person to confide in and respond with a loving and productive answer, reminded me of where I am in the grand plan of life. I am not that awesome. Wow, ok. She challenged me to not keep score and go home to apologize anyway. I did as she said. I knew she'd check to see if I followed through with her advice.
I came home. I apologized. I went to sleep.
Fast forward to this morning: I sat at work at my desk awaiting the tardy tech to arrive for our appointment. I remembered the challenge despite how physically and emotionally exhausted I felt.
"Oh great", I thought as I read today's challenge was on judgement and acceptance. "God, do we have to do this now?" Ok. I'll listen. I read the blog and realized I had been judging my husband all this time. Who am I to judge him and how he is or is not leading our family spiritually, practically or relationally? Did God himself ordain me?
My girlfriend's reminder to me came flooding back to my memory.
My ego has been knocked down a few pegs today. That's ok. God is going to prune me even more in these final months of the year. I can't produce more fruit without being pruned.
My husband and I had a rare lunch date today and spent time admitting our faults and realizing we did, in fact, improve from how we would have handled the same situation even a year ago. We accepted where we are at and agreed to do even better next time.
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